

While talking to someone about how bad they semi-constantly consider their nerves to be and how they also just can't seem to figure out a way to relax, I simply said to them, "Why not meditate more?" to which they replied, "Come on, Shellie. You really think that works? Whenever I've tried it, all it does is give me enough time to do more overthinking." Goodness.
First yes, I absolutely think that meditation is effective. I also believe that a lot of people would be a heck of a lot more calm, centered and self-controlled if they devoted, even 15 minutes of their morning routine, to doing it. Because while we'll have to get into the over-one-dozen forms of meditation at another time, what I will say for now is meditation is scientifically proven to reduce stress, control anxiety, lengthen one's attention span, promote self-awareness, encourage self-compassion, improve one's quality of sleep, reduce body aches and pains, make you more creative and oh so much more.
So, what if you know all of this and you're like, "I hear you but no matter how much I try, I just can't seem to do it"? If this is where you're at, first let me advise that you take a few really deep breaths and block out any noise that's around you (or at least, try really hard), so that you can devote a few minutes to some meditation hacks that could turn you into a meditation fan in no time. Ready?
1. Never Meditate “Just Because”
While this first point might sound a little odd, humor me and hear me out. Something that I tell prospective clients when they talk to me about counseling is if they're doing it only to appease their partner, it's not going to really work. In order to remain motivated, consistent and committed to real progress and change, you've got to have some solid reasons for doing…whatever it is that you decide to do.
When it comes to meditation specifically, beyond the benefits that I offered up in the intro, take some time to consider why you think it would be a wise practice for you to engage in. Are you looking for a way to spiritually center yourself? Maybe you're trying to learn how to be more present in each moment. Could it be that you really struggle with focusing and you're hoping that meditating more will help? Maybe you want to feel less rushed in the morning (and throughout your day) or you want to learn how to radiate more kindness to yourself and those around you. Knowing your "why" can make doing the "what" so much easier. So, definitely start there first.
2. Purge First
Remember how the person in the intro said that they struggle with overthinking? If that's your personal issue with being successful at meditating, think back to the last time that you attempted to do it. Was it after someone triggered you? Was it after a horrible day at work? Did you just get off of the phone, feeling some type of way, and so you tried to attempt it then?
While meditating does help to calm us down, it's kind of hard to do it if we're already frazzled, upset or distracted. That's why it can be super helpful if, before doing it, you actually "purge some of your emotions". By this I mean, take out your journal and write some of your thoughts down. Hit someone up you trust (who you know won't add more fuel to the fire) and do some venting. Hell, go into your bathroom, shut the door and scream if you need to. By letting out some of your pent-up energy, that will make it easier to get still — internally and physically.
3. Do It During Your Favorite Time of the Day
I'm pretty sure you've heard some version of the saying, the way you start your day predicts how you will end it. While that's not an exact science, I personally think there is a lot of truth to that. That's why I'm such a big fan of meditating first thing in the morning. The day is fresh. Life hasn't come at me at 70 MPH yet and it can help to get my mind in a good space before I start tackling my to-do list. That's not to say that there is anything wrong with meditating any other time of the day, though. In fact, if it's hard for you to meditate, it can be a really good idea to do it during your favorite time of the day.
For instance, if you adore the time between late afternoon and early evening (right as the sun is about to set), it could make meditating in your backyard (with the help of a yoga mat) something that you really look forward to; especially if you're not much of a morning person and you want to get in as many minutes as possible before your alarm goes off. Plus, scheduling meditation during the time of day that you enjoy the most can also give you something to look forward to — it can be just you, that moment and nothing else. Mindfulness at its best.
4. Pay Attention to Your Nose
One mistake that a lot of people make when it comes to meditating is they're not intentional about getting all five of their senses (sight, hearing, touch, smell and taste) involved. I'll get into hearing in a sec; for now, let's talk about scent. Some scents that are pleasant and can definitely help to bring you into a state of tranquility include lavender, vanilla, jasmine, citrus, cinnamon, rose, bergamot, patchouli, frankincense and ylang ylang. You can light a scented soy candle, put the scent into an oil diffuser, light some incense — the options are totally up to you. I also recommend combining your favorite essential oil with a carrier oil like sweet almond oil or avocado oil and rubbing it onto your temples before you begin. Whether you know it or not, your temples are a pressure point and by massaging a soothing type of oil directly onto them, it can increase the chances of you feeling more relaxed, even before you begin your meditative practice.
5. Wear Headphones or Earbuds
One of the main things that needs to happen while you are meditating is you block out background noise — your television, the notifications on your phone, people. If, for whatever the reason, that seems close to impossible to do, invest in some noise cancelling headphones or earbuds. Or, if you'd prefer, put on some ASMR rain, ocean or wind sounds. Other than complete silence, nature sounds can be really good when it comes to feeling calm while you're meditating. YouTube has videos that last for hours as far as ASMR goes (just go to the site and put the kind of sound that you are looking for into the search field). If you're in the market for some great headphones, go here; earbuds, go here.
6. Go Outside
One of my favorite reads of all-time isThe Celestine Prophecy. One of the points in it is we are able to receive a lot of the energy that we need from nature (trees, specifically).
In many ways, meditating cosigns on this because, when you choose to meditate outdoors — you can reconnect with nature; you are taking in a lot less pollution (indoor air pollution is around 3-5 times higher than outdoor air pollution is); you're able to take in a natural source of Vitamin D; the surroundings of nature can help to lower your blood pressure, and nature definitely encourages you to totally disconnect from the hustle and bustle of the world, so that you can embrace the more simple things in life.
7. Build Up over Time
As with everything in life, there are meditation experts. According to a lot of them, meditating is most effective when we do it for 45 minutes, in roughly 20-minute intervals, a day. I don't know if I've ever done that before, so don't let what I just said overwhelm you. Listen, even if you only get in 10 minutes, pat yourself on the back. Besides, the more you do it and see how it is "balancing you out", the easier it will be to find yourself sitting still, deep breathing and staying in the moment for more and more minutes at a time.
Bottom line, meditating really isn't as hard as you might think it is. Once you've decided that you deserve to sit still and "get back to the middle" in your life on a daily basis, you'll find the practice of meditation to be a treat more than an obligation. I can certainly testify to that.
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Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
Tisha Campbell Shares Why She Got A Mommy Makeover & And We’re Here For The Transparency
Tisha Campbell is still here. Here. Here. Here. (If you know, you know.) The 56-year-old actress and singer is living her life loudly and without apology, all while keeping it real about the work she's had done.
While gracing the 2025 BET Awards red carpet last week, the My Wife & Kids alum let it be known that she has nothing to hide as she revealed to Entertainment Tonight that she recently had a mommy makeover. "I had extra skin from the baby and a little bit of droppage here and a little bit of droppage there," she shared with the outlet as an exclusive. "They tighten me together."
The mother of two shared that changing her body wasn't about anyone else; it was first and foremost about pleasing herself. "I'm a single mom, not ready for dating," she added. "But I just wanted to feel good for me."
Why Tisha Campbell Chose to Share About Her Plastic Surgery
Tisha isn't new to keeping it a buck and has always been transparent about subjects that others might shy away from, whether it's about her decision to walk away from the show that put her on the map as an actor or her decision to walk away from a 22-year marriage to ex-husband Duane Martin. Cosmetic surgery is simply another topic for the Tisha to be open about.
Even in a post-BBL era, cosmetic procedures are something that is still taboo to talk about, especially among women in Hollywood who have spent decades in the public eye, like Tisha. The self-proclaimed "open book" shared her why behind disclosing her surgery:
"I just think it's more important for people to know why one does it. If you wanna feel good about you. And I just wanted to be honest about it," she told ET. "I think it's more important, to be honest, to know that you know I didn't all this by myself. It's nice to be a little bit more snatched around that area."
Tisha Campbell is serving confidence and honesty about her mommy makeover 👶✨ #BETAwards #tishacampbell #kyliejenner #mommymakeover
So, What Is a Mommy Makeover?
For those who are unfamiliar, a "mommy makeover" refers to a combination of cosmetic procedures and can differ for every woman depending on her personal goals. While the overarching intention of a mommy makeover is often to "restore" their bodies to their "pre-baby" status, the procedures are customizable and ultimately based on what feels good to her personally.
This might look like a tummy tuck or liposuction, a breast lift, reduction, or augmentation, a labiaplasty, or any other nips and tucks that support how they feel in their bodies after giving birth.
What stood out in Tisha's clip wasn't just her transparency in action, but also the intention behind her decision to have surgery. She waited until her sons Xen, 23, and Ezekiel,15, were older to have her procedure and made it clear that she centered herself in her choice. In her new season life, this is how she is honoring herself.
"For me. It's not for everybody, it's for me."
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